I LOVE LISTS

I am a 'stand up at meetings/bona fide' addict of the following:

1) ham and HP sauce sandwiches (I want flavour, carbs and convenience in one)

2) cheap red wine (I want to get drunk quicker)

3) Gossip Girl (I want to teach at a High School that cool)

4) Lists.

I have always made lists. My mum has kept one that I made for my little sister when I was 4 and she was 2 1/2 months. It read:

7.00am Get up

7.10am Drink milk

7.30am Lie on Mat

7.40am Go to Sleep.

Today, I am in turmoil because (due to snow days) I didn't finish last week's 'list' so it rolled over to this week.

So, in no particular order (ok .. chronological/ ranked by use/ alphabetical), here are my top three lists:

1) The Conception Database. It's no coincidence that both of my girls were born in February. They are the product of an excel spreadsheet. I spent countless hours devising a database that worked out maternity leave vs childcare costs vs amount of time off anyway due to summer holidays. There was a column titled 'SEX'. That's not a joke. So whilst other seduction rites might involve music, wine and romance, mine was a permutation of maximum maternity£ divided by maximum time off x gestation. It was a case of 'Honey, it's May. Time to have sex!'.

2) The Lightbulb Inventory. I have a Household Management File. It makes me feel like I can manage a house which at any given moment has two children, one husband, dry rot, rising damp (why can't one cancel the other out?), two dogs, an ageing cat, three horses, various relatives visiting from other continents, an overflowing septic tank (the last two aren't related - I hope....) and lightbulbs. So the very first (and possibly only time) my mother-in-law offered to have the children overnight, my husband waved them off and raced inside (trousers virtually around ankles - it was May, after all) to find me making an inventory of lightbulbs. What else do you do with your first child-free hour for three and a half years?

3) The Packing List. Lists aren't official until they're laminated. Unfortunately, my addiction is co-dependent upon the laminator at work. So, pride of place in the Household Management File went to the 'Holiday List' printed on a jaunty shade of pink and laminated to within an inch of its life. It was a masterpiece detailing every household item which needed to accompany two infant daughters whenever they left the house; from a two week stay with the grandparents in America to a weekend with friends in London to a trip to Sainsbury's on a Wednesday afternoon. And every excursion was prologued by a dusting off of the list and assembling of various tupperware pots of pureed pear, petit filous and sudocreme. So when we got ready for our holiday in July (two weeks in a villa with friends and their two boys), I dusted off the list in February - preparation is key - and began assembling. Pureed pear ... they were now partial to kettle chips and beer; Petit filous ... needed five pots at least before they were full; sudocreme ... not a nappy in sight. The 'list' was redundant. Having been used to travelling with the amount of luggage which normally accompanies the Beckhams, I was now a footloose and 'filous' free. I need a 'list fix'. So here is my list for today:

THINGS I RATHER REGRET ON A TUESDAY AFTERNOON

1) Agreeing that Blossom (nearly three) can choose a name for the (imminent) kitten. She's settled on Jesus.

2) Twanging my own bra strap in a Senior Management Meeting after school. I was engrossed in new budget forecasts (actually, that's worse than the strap admission), it was itching so I gave it a snap. It made the Head jump.

3) Starting this blog. It is now item #43 on my 'To Do' list along with watching all the 'Gossip Girl's on Sky Plus, throwing out all the Petit Filous which expired in July, buying kettle chips, ham, hp sauce and red wine and updating the lightbulb inventory. Thank god it's not May!