A Day in the Life ...

Husband is full of himself. 'His' trade journal have just said that they would like to profile him with a 'Day in the Life' style article. He is unbearable.

HOW HE SEES HIS DAY IN PRINT
7.00am Wake up to birdsong and a day ripe with potential.

HOW IT REALLY IS
5.47am Wake up to three year old beside bed and a nappy ripe with 'processed' satsumas.

7.10am Break three minute mile during morning run.
6.10am Break wind.

7.50am Have sex in the shower.
7.10am Unblock the shower.

8.00am Breakfast (organic muesli and designer Italian coffee).
8.00am Breakfast (leftover coco pops and rejected toast crusts).

8.20am Finish morning grooming routine.
8.20 am Plait five year old's hair.

8.45am Conference call with Government Head Honchos
8.45am Flirt with mothers at the school gate

9.15am Put finishing touches to groundbreaking report
9.15am Put away laundry

9.30am - 3.00pm Tackling (his particular brand of) crime wherever it may raise its head.
9.30am - 3.00pm Tackling (his particular brand of) crime wherever it may raise its head plus sweeping the kitchen floor, hoovering the living room, emptying the dishwasher, putting away the online shopping order, walking the dog, picking up orthopedic slippers for my great grandmother and sorting Barbie crap from Bratz crap from random pink crap.

3.15pm Conference call with Government Head Honchos.
3.15pm Flirt with mothers at the school gate.

4.00pm Negotiate multi-agency contract.
4.00pm Negotiate whether the three year old or five year old gets to choose the TV channel.

6.00pm Get sloshed with friends in trendy city bar.
6.00pm Get sloshed at bathtime.

7.00pm Meet wife for dinner at Michelin starred restaurant.
7.00pm Meet wife on the landing. Agree to have coco pops for supper.

8.30pm Move on for drinks and maybe a club.
8.30pm Asleep.

Husband has just read this over my shoulder. Strongly disagrees and has gone off in a huff. Said sex in the shower would have lasted far longer than ten minutes.