Car Conversation

Driving to local supermarket for post holiday shop.

Realise have forgotton 'bags for life'.

Slam hand on steering wheel.

Daughter 1: What's wrong?

Me: I forgot the bags for the supermarket.

Daughter 2: It's OK. If you're really cross, you can say 'F&%£ING HELL'

Daughter 1 & I look at each other in horror.

Daughter 2: It's fine. Daddy says it all the time.

Which is more at risk? The environment or daughter's moral upbringing?

Things the Puppy Has Chewed

THINGS THE PUPPY HAS CHEWED:

1. Barbie's foot



2. Phone charger (into five pieces)



3. Corner of kitchen dresser



4. One Nigella Lawson cookbook (was it hungry?)



5. Three year old's finger



6. Bottle of Aftersun



7. Cast iron aga



8. Five year old's new trainers (this might be a blessing - they were hateful sequinned things bought by mother in law)

THINGS THE PUPPY HAS NOT CHEWED:

1. The 15 chew toys we bought it.

Is it illegal to hate a black labrador puppy?

Semi Failure

I'm gutted that I can't even manage to post on a regular basis. Exactly one month between posts is not the 'disciplined diary' I aspired to...

So I'm reverting to my fall back tactic in times of craziness and making lists:

Things that have made me happy this month:

1. Staying at a nice hotel on my own (for work) and being able to go to the gym, swim, order room service, watch a movie and NOT do bath time, tea time, school run etc.
2. Getting a new black labrador puppy.
3. Getting ready to fly out to sunshine for my sister's wedding at Easter.
4. Daffodils.

Things that have not made me happy this month:

1. Being away from home for four separate conferences and missing bath time, tea time, school run etc.
2. Cleaning up umpteen puppy piddles and poos - even the recently potty trained daughter is horrified.
3. Getting stressed about non-bikini ready body (it's March for Chrissake!), making lists for parents in law (having children), step sister (having puppy), aunt (having horses), cleaner (having cat). Now so stressed that period is ten days late and will get it (naturally!) when I arrive at the beach.
4. State of the garden. Hedges are almost as unruly as my bikini line. Maybe the Black & Decker trimmer could do double duty?

As I have said in most of the 348 reports I have written this term: MUST TRY HARDER.